| ahhaha helf it's true! RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule
One: If
you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because
you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule
Two:
You
do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you
do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands
off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule
Three:
I
am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their
trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't
take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this
compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants
ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your
clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter,
I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place
to your waist.
Rule
Four:
I'm
sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier
method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex,
I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule
Five:
It
is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should
talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.
The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect
to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you
on this subject is: "early"
Rule
Six: The
following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where
there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there
is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places
where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear
shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,
and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic
or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Seven:
Do
not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted
has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless
god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have
one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
Rule Eight:
Be
afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of
your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.
When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell
me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as
you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain
sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have
brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is
no need for you to come inside. The camoflaged face at the window is mine. |
I GET TO SEE DANNY YAYYY 
And Stevie! 
Ummm yah that's about it. 'Cept that I miss everyone so bad and I love you all! *muah*
I'll get the funeral home ready. Biggest immediate thing? I need to go to Walmart. nownownownow haha It's rly nice out here and I just went to the youth group out here last week and they're cool so I'm happi I can make some frends. I miss home and I think the worstest thing rite now is that tomorrow and all weekend my cousins and family and all are going to be at my house, celebrating the biggest holiday of the year, and I won't be there I'll miss it so bad. 
I mite cry rly... I want to see my ppl!! lol Oh well that's ok 'cause Dawn is making Greek food and we'll have Easter here ourselves. 
I'm still half living out of my suitcase haha and my room here looks just like it did at home, like a tornado but I feel at home in it, so. I rly can't think of anything else I can post here rite now.... the sun has majorly faded my hair it looks natural now, it's not my natural color but someone I don't know mite think it was. I thinkkk that's all and I'm sry I haven't posted any wedding pics because I don't have them yet!!! needneedneed ok I have issues but u all knew this everyone have a lovely Easter because u know, Christ was born on Christmas but he died and rose this weekend and that is what our faith is based solely upon so thank God for His amazing love. That's what gets me about God, is, you can have a boyfriend, or a wonderful Mom or a best friend, and you can't believe how much they care about you, but take that and put it to God infinitely and doesn't it just knock you down. He's... there are no words. So. Happi Easter!!! 